20th Century Boy Chapter 3

We all change with time.

Chapter 3 : (The Untold Truth)

Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. (Stephen King)

Time heals wounds? People say it does, as if time is some gentle, omnipotent force that erases pain and makes everything right. But what about the scars that are left behind? The memories that refuse to fade away? The trauma that dissolves into one's personality and resurfaces every day as a reminder of the past that refuses to be cast away. We use this phrase to console others, to remind them that better days are ahead and that we must bear with them if things are not on our side. But does it truly apply to someone like Ahmad, who carries the weight of being a victim of bullying? He is given the reminder of being born poor, and just because of this, he can’t remain happy. We can only relate to this because we are best at doing things in comparison, but can we comprehend or feel from his perspective, which is his worst nightmare? Stepping into his shoes and darkest memories is another thing entirely.

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. (Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird)

Ali understood that feeling too well. During his years in Australia, he had been an outsider—a foreigner in a land that never truly felt like home. He had been bullied, mocked for his accent, his clothes, his very existence. But he had stayed quiet, just as his father had told him. Stay silent. Stay invisible. That was the rule. And so, he did.

The Big Dipper! We all tend to see it in sky.

It was evening; the blue sky was fading from blue to black. The sun was slowly sinking below the horizon, like the Earth was swallowing it. When the sky turned black, the stars seemed to be visible in the sky. Ali went to the rooftop and sat at the edge of the wall facing the sky. He was watching the Big Dipper in the sky (a constellation formed by connecting stars). He raised his hand upwards as if he were trying to touch one of the stars, just like how people often reach for the moon, pretending they can catch it. He was doing the same.

“How lovely this sight is,” he said.

Stars can't shine without darkness. (D.H. Sidebottom)

A little later, he stood up and walked toward the right edge of the rooftop, glancing at the houses around him. The city was alive with distant murmurs, the occasional bark of a stray dog, and the faint hum of a generator somewhere in the neighborhood.

His eyes wandered until they landed on a familiar window across the street. Amara was inside that room, sitting at her desk, absorbed in a book.

Her window was open, allowing him to see her. She tucked her hair behind her ear and picked up a pencil to write something. He could not manage to redirect his eyes from her. His heart started beating irregularly, causing him to have a rush of dopamine. I guess I should have a complete checkup of my heart, why it is beating irregularly these days, he said to himself. 

Meanwhile, Amara turned her head, eyes searching, until she spotted him on his rooftop. He sat down abruptly, trying to hide himself from her. Aishhhhhhhh! Why am I hiding like that? Seeing someone is not a crime, he manages to stand himself again. A smile spread across her face as she leaned on the windowsill.

 “What are you doing up there?” she called out loudly.

“Ju. Ju. Just watching the stars…” he replied.

“So, do you like astronomy?” she asked.

“Well, you could say that. I know a thing or two.” Ali said.

Amara tilted her head. “Sounds interesting.”

Ali hesitated for a moment before asking, “Would you like to come over?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Is that an official invitation?”

He smirked. “Only if you don’t mind a terribly unorganized tour of my house.”

She laughed. “Well, in that case, why not?”

She ran over to his house. Ali’s father was on a business trip and wouldn’t be back until late at night.

She entered his house and a little later, said, “It’s still the same,” she observed, running her fingers along a bookshelf. “You’ve just changed a few things here and there.”

“Yeah, my father thought updating the house would help leave behind old memories,” Ali said.

“And did it?” she asked.

Ali exhaled. “Who knows? Sometimes, I still feel the same here, maybe it’s hard to let go of people once they reside in your hearts.”

To know a person you must know his history

As they wandered through the house, she went inside Ali’s room. His room was filled with books from the elegance of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. There was The Trial by Franz Kafka, Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, and The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway. Tucked between them, she noticed a worn copy of Albert Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus, its margins filled with scribbled notes.

Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is. (Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus)

Other title revealed softer shades of his like mind: Atonement by Ian McEwan. Together, they formed a quiet constellation of who he had been, and perhaps what he was still trying to become.

Her fingers skimmed the spines of books on a shelf until one caught her attention:” The Perks of Being a Wallflower” (A novel written by Stephen Chbosky). When she pulled it out, something slipped from between the pages—a photograph.

Before she could fully see it, Ali snatched it away.

“Who is she?” Amara asked, curious. “Is that your first crush?”

Ali avoided eye contact. “You don’t need to know,” he muttered.

She crossed her arms. “Now I definitely need to know.”

As she leaned towards him, trying to snatch the picture from his hand. In the struggle, they lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. Before she could hit her head onto the floor, Ali swiftly placed his hand beneath her, where her head fell smoothly. Their eyes locked in the moment of silence, and her cheeks and ears turned red by the rush of oxytocin. “Hey, are you okay? You don’t look good,” Ali said, his voice laced with concern.

“I’m fine,” she murmured, quickly sitting up.

“Wait here. I’ll get you some water.” He helped her onto the bed before heading downstairs.

She leaned back on the soft and fluffy bed. Ali returned moments later, stopping at the doorway with a glass of water in his hand. He hesitated, watching her in silence.

She let out a deep sigh. Huhhhhhhhhhhh!

“Knock Knock! Why is that look on your face?” he finally said, with his gaze never leaving her. “Like you’re carrying something too heavy on your shoulders.”

She hesitated. “It’s nothing.”

“Liar.” He smirked slightly, but his expression quickly turned serious. “I get it, you know. Feeling like the world expects something from you that you can’t always give.”

Amara exhaled, rubbing her temples. “Ali, you know my parents… they wanted me to be perfect. No mistakes. No failures. Straight A’s, top of the class—never a moment to breathe. But it’s getting harder every day. I feel like I’m falling into a deep, dark void, and there’s no one to pull me out.” She let out a shaky breath. “Each day, a new hurdle finds its way to me. And the worst part? I can’t even talk about it. I don’t want to seem weak. People admire me… but they don’t see how much effort I have to make for that. Sometimes I have a nosebleed while studying because I push myself too hard.” Her voice wavered, but she pushed on. “It’s exhausting. And lonely. I never had real friends because there was never time for anything but their expectations. Whenever I achieve something, no one is there to admire it, as they think it's natural for me to be like that. They don't admit how much struggle and crazy effort I have put into it. I barely get sleep sometimes and keep myself beyond my limit just to hear one word of approval from them.”

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star. (Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra)

Ali studied her, recognizing something in her words that echoed his struggles. He had spent years keeping people at a distance, afraid of trusting, afraid of being let down. Maybe Amara wasn’t so different from him after all.

She turned to face him fully, her eyes searching his. “Sometimes, being alone is easier than disappointing the people who expect too much from you.”

Amara, I don't know what to say because I am not good at consoling people. But live your life a bit; it ain't that hard to free yourself from the burden you have put on your shoulders. No one knows what life holds for you. Nothing is certain in life. We might think that life will be easy once we become adults, so children wish to grow old early because, from their perception, being an adult means having anything they want in life.  But what truly matters is what your heart wants. “Heart wants what it wants.”

The bell rang on the door, and his father went inside. He heard some noise on the floor and inquired if someone was there. Ali said that she is Amara, her childhood friend. He called her out, and she came downstairs and greeted his father and went silent for a while, and then she said, “Ali, I guess it's already late, I must go back. It was a pleasure meeting you.” He said. “It's fine, I must follow you to your doorstep.” She went out, and Ali also followed her. They walked through the alley to her house. Ali stood on the doorstep of her house and said, " Hey, I want to thank you for today. She said, What's the thanks in it. Today was a little depressing day for me, and I felt less lonely because you were there with me, He replied. Well, Ali, what are friends for? You console them and they console you and help each other, and that is what it's all about. See you tomorrow at university, Good Night, and have a nice sleep. Ali was waving a hand at her while she was parting off.

Parting is such sweet sorrow. (William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet)

 

Epilogue:

Life is like a comedy from afar and a tragedy for those who see it up close. We have to live our lives as if we are seeing them from a distance. Most of our sorrows arise from the burdens we place upon ourselves. We confide ourselves in the cycle of desires and regret, where we seldom appreciate what we have in the present until it becomes a memory. Perhaps the secret to contentment is not in chasing what was or what could be, but in embracing what is. And that is how life goes on.

Life moves pretty fast if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. (Ferris Bueller)

How do you feel about this? Give a reaction!